I get this funny feeling something’s not quite right

I have a massively awesome idea for a DM Cornish/Half Continent fansite.

I have the means (ish) to create it.

I have the desire to do it; in fact, it is fast eating up a lot of my headspace in a dangerously compulsive sort of way. Actually, the Half Continent in general has, I must acknowledge, reached a level of obsession only known to autistics and 12 year old girls.

What I’m lacking is the spoons. I’ll need to learn new coding programs to create what I want to create, and then there will be a lot of data imput into those programs. I know I have a strange mix of ability within one specific executive function (perseverance or grit)–for short-term projects, I’m okay, and I’m one of the most persistent people I know for long-term goals. There’s even a research study that I participated in, with people I know to corroborate my answers, that noted I have more grit than most people my age (I blame autism, as with so many things). But medium-term stuff…eh…I kind of have a history of terrible failure. Like this one time where I tried to write a master’s dissertation. Ha.

So I have this history of not being great at doing medium-term projects. Based on my completely fabricated estimates, this would be one such thing. The only thing worse than not giving into my compulsions and starting this project would be not finishing. And so, I procrastinate, which makes the compulsion part worse, but puts off my fear of self-caused failure. But procrastination also provides some measure of stress relief I don’t get during my work week (update: still like hell), so it’s a coping mechanism, too.

Basically, living in my head sucks right now and I would like $10,000 so I can quit my job and move immediately to Melbourne. Please.