And I’m sorry.

After months of thinking about it, I emailed Craig, my dissertation supervisor. I admitted I have completely stalled on my topic and can no longer write it. I explained about Asperger’s and how I’ve lost my passion for IR–the linguistics of politics were a rather obsessive passion at the time I was setting my topic, but I’ve reached the point that I feel like I’ve exhausted the source material. I’m bored. I have all the information I need to write the paper, but it’s so tedious to do that I can’t possibly bother.

I asked to change topics to one related to international health or even autism specifically, and he’s open to the idea provided I can ground it in IR theory. So I’m now trying to work out just how best to do that, but enthusiastic for the first time.

He also suggested I could take the Graduate Diploma (a degree that doesn’t have wide application in the US but is common in Australia)–I’ve done the required 8 classes to do so. If I can take that degree and have a completed degree and finish the paper and then take the MA, then I’m all for it. If I have to do the one or the other, I’m less sure about my choice. It would be really nice to have a completed degree on paper, and I don’t begrudge myself the loans to live in Melbourne the extra semester at all. That was money well spent. But that MA has been hovering just out of reach for almost two years now and I’d be disappointed in myself if I didn’t try to take it. Besides which, this MA (while probably not helping me get into med school anywhere) would be a potentially good thing to have if I get into epidemiology at all.

And then we talked about Jasper Fford. I remember why I like him, and why I shouldn’t be scared of him–well, not him, but his disapproval.

So! A topic related to my passion–I’m sure I can come up with that, I did it last time (though I’d been stewing on that topic for 3 years by then), so I can do it again. And it’ll be awesome. I’m aiming for an HD.